Our Little Flower Is Almost 2!

Our beautiful baby girl turns two this Friday! I can't believe it... two! On one hand, I can't believe how quickly the time has gone, and on the other hand I can hardly remember what our lives were like without her.

When the midwife first put Maddie in my arms, I remember feeling completely overwhelmed. Not because I had just been roaming the halls of St Mary's hospital whaling like a wookie for the past 24 hours, but because I suddenly realised that this little person was going to be our responsibility for the rest of my life. Pretty heavy shit! For the first six weeks of her life I obsessed about everything and felt completely and utterly inadequate. Every time I heard her cry, I was beside myself. Everything felt like an incredible effort from breast feeding, to changing nappies, to waking up throughout the night to taking her for a walk to the park! Then suddenly, when she was about 7 weeks old everything changed. All those things that initially felt like a chore, felt wonderful. I could not do enough for this beautiful little soul that had come into our lives. Parenthood was fun and with every month it just seems to get better and better.

I can't pretend for a minute that it has been a bed of roses. The truth is I torture myself constantly because I have to work full time and I don't get to spend anywhere near enough time with Maddie. I am constantly beating myself up and worrying about how my absence will impact on her. But guess what? She is a positively beautiful person. I mean a really fabulous person, a character, a bundle of fun, a sweet soul, an intelligent little girl, and a kind hearted poppet! She has intuition and empathy beyond her years. Her father has done such an amazing job being her primary carer for the past 18 months and she absolutely adores going to nursery and seems to thrive around other kids. The other good thing about our arrangement is that I treasure every single second that I have with her and don't take a moment with her for granted. Every time I look in her eyes and she smiles at me it takes my breath away.

All the grandparents are descending upon us to help celebrate Maddie's birthday next weekend and we are planning a "curryoke" night (curry and karaoke hosted by a tranny) for Simon on Friday night for his birthday and a great big picnic in the park for Maddie on Sunday. I can't wait to get everyone together and celebrate.

It was Martin's birthday last week and the Staffords had a lovely BBQ to celebrate today. Maddie put on her party frock, donned a party hat and gorged herself on chocolate mud cake. She also managed to get a kiss from her favourite boy in the whole world, Linus. Ain't love grand! They both look pretty pleased with themselves post kiss!

I apologise that I have been so rubbish at keeping Maddie's blog up to date. Our camera is on the blink and beautiful photos are always my trigger to update everyone on her news. Luckily Meags and Martin had their camera out to capture the action today.

Huge love and good wishes to everyone xxxx

Best Buds

Maddie 4 Linus 4 ever! She just loves him. It's that simple. The simple things in life are often the best xx

BBB Benny and the Pegs!

Maddie and I had a super day with her God Father Benny a couple of Sundays ago. We started the day with a brisk walk around Centennial Park in the sunshine, followed by a spot of lunch with the 'who's who' of Darlinghurst (a cafe full of fabulous queens) and then we topped off the afternoon by sipping Jasmin green tea and putting pegs in our hair. Pure bliss

We dont get to see much of Benny these days as he has a big, grown up Producers job, but when we do, we treasure every minute of it xxx

Heavenly Creatures

Here are some snaps of Maddie with her 'cousin Daisy'. We had a gorgeous Sunday roast at my cousin Rob's house a couple of weeks ago. His beautiful wife Beth was the hostess with the mostest and cooked the most wonderful lunch... which turned into too much wine and bath and early dinner for the little girls.

It was 'crazy hair day' at Maddie's nursery today. Simes and I giggled like school girls when we arrived to pick her up and she had more gel in her hair than Vanilla Ice (am I showing my age?)!

She just woke up from her sleep while I was typing. As I went to tuck her in, I was completely overwhelmed by how much I love her. She was lying in her bed (her big girls bed as we got rid of the cot bars when we arrived in Sydney) cuddling her friends donkey and Elliot the bear. She is such a mad little character. She constantly makes Simon and I laugh with her observations about life, love and the universe.

Each night when I put her to bed I make a little wish for her (I wish for lovely positive things like confidence, empathy, intelligence, warmth, compassion - words she almost certainly doesn't understand at this stage). When I started my speech this evening I said 'tonight mummy wishes for you...' and she interrupted me with the word 'kindness'! Something tells me that little Maddie has a lot of kindness in her heart.

Bless her world xxxx

Gorgeous Cousins and Curryoke

Busy, busy, busy... that about covers the last few weeks. Had a fabulous trip to the zoo with my cousin Rob, his gorgeous wife Beth and their spectacular little girl Daisy (or "cousin Daisy" as Maddie calls her). Mads thinks that Daisy is the bees knees. We also had a lovely afternoon with my other cousin Chris and his beautiful girls Kylie, Bella, Charlie and Ashley. It was Ashley's first fiesta and it was a fantastic affair with lots of happy kids, a pinata and the paella was a triumph!

The weeks just seem to zip by. Still not much going on in the hair department for Maddie, but everything else is developing marvelously! She has now settled into day care, in fact she actually seems to look forward to it. The ladies who look after her are astounded by her vocabulary and say that it is freaky for a toddler of her age to be such a good communicator. I can't help but think Maddie is an old soul that has been here before. The way she looks you in the eye and emotionally engages is beyond her years. Having said that, she is also pretty good at throwing herself on the floor in the middle of a shopping centre and having a good old fashioned tantrum, so I am not sending her off to university just yet!

Had a funny night at an Indian restaurant on Oxford St last Friday. I ended up drinking way too much and singing 'Islands in the Stream' with a tranny on the 'curryoke'. Was not feeling too flash the next morning, but pulled myself together and had a lovely catch up in Paddington with some old girlfriends and consoled myself with WAY too much white wine. A girl's got to let her hair down sometimes!

Lots of love to all xxx

Nursery Hysteria

A couple of weeks ago poor little Maddie had to make the transition from spending her week days playing with her beloved daddy to becoming a nursery kid again. She is only going to nursery two days a week, but each morning when I drop her off she "clutches her pearls" and screams as though she will never see me again. As soon as we drive into the car park of the nursery she starts gasping for air and squealing for cuddles. By all reports this behaviour is fairly normal, but it is a stark contrast to the little girl who used to leap out of my arms to play with her friends at nursery in London. I guess she is a little older and wiser now and has become pretty attached to her mum and dad. I know she will get used to it, but it is pretty heart breaking to have to leave her when she is in such a state.

The other joyful thing about Maddie returning to nursery is the wonderful germs she manages to bring home. She and I have both been coughing a spluttering in unison for the past couple of weeks. Joy, joy, joy!

Apart from her nursery hysteria, Maddie is in fine form. She loves dancing to the Wiggles (and is particularly keen on Leo Sayer... which is a bit of a concern!) and she can't get enough of; reading, playing in the park, going to the pub (in fact she demands a weekly visit to the pub!), singing and hanging out with her best friend Linus. Her favourite book at the moment is called 'The Lady Who Was Beautiful Inside'. It is quite hysterical. She makes a special request that I read it to her before she goes to bed each night... "beautiful inside, beautiful inside, beautiful inside"

Life in Sydney is pretty great... hectic, but great. My beautiful friend Cherie and her husband came to stay with us last weekend to help celebrate my birthday. Cherie is four months pregnant and expecting a little boy. Very, very exciting. She is such a wonderful person and will make the most amazing mum. I am always inspired by her kindness and sense of calm. She has a wisdom that is very rare to find in this life.

We also had a lovely visit from Simon's parents who came to Sydney for a weekend adventure with Auntie Sue and Uncle Gordon. This was followed by a fly-by visit from Uncle Mikey the B-Grade Celebrity. Maddie absolutely adores spending time with her family... There is nothing quite like being with the people you love.

Maddie's God Father Benny has got himself a wonderful job as a Producer so we have seen a little less of him and Richy lately, but the time we do get together is always full of laughter and madness.

We have had a couple of very special arrivals in the past month. Our dear friends Meagan and Martin welcomed little Edie into the world and Gav and Tracy had a beautiful baby boy called Taj. The innocence of a new born baby is just bliss. I must admit, it has made me very, very clucky....

Simes cooked me the most wonderful dinner for my 36th birthday. He is quite the old romantic when he puts his mind to it. He wrote me a poem, cooked me a meal, thrust a glass of red in my hand and we had a good old heart to heart about life, love and the universe. We both miss London more than we ever imagined we would and we particularly miss our incredible London friends. I guess that is the problem with making wonderful friends and letting them into your heart... it hurts when you have to say good bye.

I hope everyone is happy and well. Sending lots of love to all xxx

Little People Everywhere...

It seems that the Nicholls family landed in Sydney during the middle of a baby boom! Everyone we know has either had a baby (or several) in the past four years, is preggers or is trying very hard to get preggers. It is amazing for Maddie to be surrounded by so many fabulous little friends.

But I have to say, all these babies and pregnancies have made me think about how much life has changed since we welcomed our little girl into the world. I remember a time when Simes and I could open a bottle of wine, casually cook a meal, listen to our favourite tunes, talk and laugh our way into the early hours of the morning. On the weekends we would cuddle in bed until after 10am and then casually make our way to a cafe where we would flip through our favourite sections of the weekend newspaper, talk about life and drink as many coffees as we fancied. In winter, we used to grab a take away coffee, drive down to the rocks at Clovelly and watch the storms come in over the ocean for hours on end. I used to find time to paint my toenails, go to the hair dresser regularly, head to the cinema, see a live band, wander aimlessly around the shops buying clothes and not feel remotely guilty about the money I was spending. I used to find time to exercise at least 3 times a week. It was as easy as pulling on my trainers and tracky dacks and taking off out the front door. I used to spend hours on the phone catching up with my friends and swapping advice about anything and everything.

As I write this blog update, I am in bed... knackered. Our evening consisted of Simon, Maddie and I attempting to eat dinner as a family around our dining room table. Maddie winged and refused to eat most of her dinner. She then demanded that I read her the Wiggles book and when I explained (calmly) that I would not read her the Wiggles book until we had all finished our dinner, she raised the volume of her winging to a fairly unbearable level. Then came the bath (after I had read her the Wiggles book and several others) which was quite fun apart from the daily battle to brush her teeth. As for bed time... she flatly refused to even attempt to go to sleep unless she was wrapped in my arms. She just kept demanding "cuddles, cuddles, cuddles". In some ways this was absolutely heavenly (and frankly I enjoy the cuddles just as much as she does), but as I sat there cuddling, I started to think very paranoid thoughts like... 'OMG - I shouldn't be working 5 days a week'... 'she has become obsessively clingy because she doesn't have enough time with me'... 'I am a terrible mother'... 'our values are all messed up'... 'I am desperate to spend more time with my little girl'... 'there has to be a better way'... and by the time I eventually got her off to sleep it was 9:45pm and I was feeling in quite a state and the lions share of my adult / evening time with Simes was gone.

So, I have just re-read the last paragraph and realised that Maddie isn't the only one winging tonight! Believe me, I do realise how incredibly lucky I am to have an amazing baby like Maddie and a phenomenally supportive and loving husband like Simes, but sometimes the guilt of working full time and the constant battle to find a balance takes its toll. The truth is that Maddie has enriched our lives in ways we couldn't have imagined. She is the focus of pretty much everything we do. Every time I look at her beautiful little face my heart almost bursts and I can't believe that she is the result of the love that Simes and I have for each other.

OK, life with a little person may not be as relaxed or glamorous as it once was... but we wouldn't have it any other way. There is nothing like waking up in the morning to the sound of Maddie's voice and seeing her lovely little face so full of excitement about the fact that it is a new day. Watching her dance to her favourite music and play with her little mates fills us with happiness. Looking up our street to see her and Simes walking along hand in hand as we stroll to the local cafe with our friends for Saturday morning brunch makes me weak at the knees. Seeing the look on her face when she had her first taste of a chocolate milk shake was quite hysterical. Listening to her opinions as she learns how to express herself is amazing and most of all hearing her say 'I love you' and knowing that she knows exactly what it means... well there just aren't words to describe how that feels.